Tears at the Departure Gate

Woke up this morning feeling a little lost and missing Caleb.  Yesterday afternoon he left for about a week long trip to Portland to serve as the Best Man at a friend’s wedding.  We decided months ago that I shouldn’t make the trip with him, but that still didn’t prevent me from getting so teary at the airport.  [smile]

Thinking about him in the air for 8+ hours was the worst part of the whole situation.  I have this love-hate relationship with air travel.  I love the convenience of flying.  I love how flying enables me to explore this world further.  I even love the in between time of the flight itself when I’m speeding forward cradled in the pocket of air.  There is something in that feeling of being suspended above the earth that always lulls me into a mode of deep relaxation.  But I hate the jarring feeling when we travel through a wind pocket and I’m reminded again of how close I am to disaster should all the mechanics of flight suddenly fail!  Take-off and landing too leave me feeling completely anxious.

My air travel anxiety has only increased since Caleb and I met.  We haven’t yet had a chance to fly somewhere together and so every trip to the airport now involves a teary goodbye and hours of me praying for the assurance that this is a trusted and safe method of travel.  It doesn’t matter whether I’m the one flying or the one waiting on the call that the plane landed safely.  I am anxious either way.  Can you blame me?  My heart was on both of the jets speeding towards Denver and then Portland yesterday.  [smile]

It’s situations like these that give me some glimpse into the anxiety I’ll one day feel for the “little ones” who I’ll carry for 9 months then have to watch take on the world.  I’m just hoping that I can get a handle enough on my own anxiousness to encourage them to get on the plane anyway.  Even though each flight I’ve been own has brought me mini panic attacks, there is not a flight I’ve made that I’d want to have missed.  At the end of each terrifying journey have been such wonderful experiences– in France, England, Scotland, Greece.  And all of those experiences led me to DC and to Caleb.  I wish the same grand adventures for our “little ones” and the same love at the end of them all even if it means tears at the departure gate.